Why I Stopped Chasing Success, Titles, and Approval

I used to think more was the answer.

More hours. More yeses. More titles after my name. If I could just do a little more, I would finally feel like enough. Enough for my clients. Enough for my community. Enough for God.

Here is the paradox I lived inside for years: the harder I chased success, the less successful my life actually felt. Every achievement raised the bar instead of settling the question. The applause faded faster each time. And the woman everyone described as “doing it all” was quietly coming apart at the seams.

If you have ever hit a goal and felt nothing but the next goal, this one is for you.

What the Chase Looked Like From the Inside

I spent 18 years in the insurance business. Thirteen of those years I was an operator and producer, and for the last five I ran my own agency. From the outside, it looked handled. I served on the PTO. I served with the Chamber of Commerce. I held leadership roles in industry associations. If someone asked, I said yes, usually before they finished the sentence.

At my worst point, I was working about 70 hours a week.

My marriage was strained. Not in a dramatic way. In a slow way. We were two people managing a household and a calendar instead of two people building a life. My kids had a mom who was physically in the room but mentally in the inbox. I was at dinner, technically. I was also answering one more email under the table and nodding at a story I was not hearing.

I once took 14 work calls on a single family vacation. Fourteen. I remember stepping away from the pool, phone to my ear, telling myself this was what responsible business owners do. My kids learned to wait for me to finish. That was the part I did not want to see.

The hardest truth is that nobody made me do any of it. No one forced the titles on me. I chased them. Each one felt like proof that I mattered, and each one left me hungrier than before.

I did not do it all. I just did all of it tired, and I called the exhaustion faithfulness.

The Day the Chase Stopped Working

There was no single dramatic moment. There was a slow realization that I was seeking first the approval of people and squeezing God into the margins of a calendar that had no margins.

I would pray on the way to meetings. I would promise God the next season would be different. And then I would say yes to one more thing, because saying no felt like failing.

The turn came when I finally laid down the chase. For success. For titles. For approval. All three, because they were tangled together. I chose to lead my business God’s way instead of my way, and I meant it this time, even though I did not yet know what it would look like.

Then I did three practical things. I hired a business coach who helped me see my business as it really was, not as I described it at networking events. I joined a community of women in business who were building with faith and wisdom instead of hustle. And I started stepping out of commitments that did not belong to me.

Some of those commitments were good things. They just were not my things.

What Scripture Says

Jesus said it plainly in Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

He said it in the middle of a teaching on worry. Food, clothing, tomorrow. The ordinary anxieties of people trying to hold life together. His answer was not “try harder.” It was “seek first.”

Seek first. Not seek also. Not seek when there is time left over.

I had the order backward. I was seeking first the kingdom of my own reputation and asking God to bless it. When I flipped the order, the striving lost its grip. Not all at once, but steadily.

You cannot seek God first and your own approval first at the same time. One of them has to move to second place.

The Teaching: How to Lay Down the Chase

Laying it down is not one decision. It is a set of smaller decisions you make on purpose. Here is the framework I wish someone had handed me ten years earlier.

1. Name what you are actually chasing. Success, titles, and approval hide behind good language. “Serving.” “Leadership.” “Being a good steward of my gifts.” Write down every role and commitment you hold, and next to each one write the honest reason you said yes. Here is a sample from a hypothetical bookkeeper’s list:

Chamber committee chair: “I wanted to be seen as a leader in town.” Church finance team: “I felt called, and I am truly good at it.” Monthly networking breakfast: “I was afraid of missing a referral.” Volunteer treasurer for a nonprofit: “I could not say no to the woman who asked.”

Two of those are approval. One is fear. One is calling. The exercise does not judge you. It just tells you the truth.

2. Count the real cost in hours. Our hypothetical bookkeeper adds it up. Chamber chair, 6 hours a week. Church finance, 2 hours. Networking breakfast, 3 hours including travel and follow-up. Nonprofit treasurer, 4 hours a month, which is about 1 hour a week. That is 12 hours a week outside her paying work. If her billable rate is $60 an hour, that is $720 a week she is giving away, or roughly $37,000 a year. Some of that is worth giving. All of it is worth knowing.

3. Decide the order out loud. Write one sentence that states what comes first and what comes second. Mine looked like this: “God first, then my husband and kids, then the business I steward, then everything else.” When a new request comes in, it has to fit below the line, not above it. If a yes would push my family to fourth place, it is a no.

4. Replace the chase with a rhythm. You cannot stop chasing and leave a vacuum. Striving will refill it. I replaced it with the 4-Day Week. Monday became my CEO day, the day I work ON my business and start with the Weekly Reset: Review, Reset, Commit. Tuesday through Thursday became delivery days. Friday became off. The structure did what my willpower never could. It gave the chase nowhere to live.

5. Tell someone. Approval is a private hunger. It loses power when it is spoken. My coach and my community heard my honest reasons for saying yes, and they asked the questions I was avoiding. Find one person who will do the same for you.

Common Objections

But what if stepping back from leadership roles hurts my business? In my experience, it does the opposite. The hours I had been giving to committees became hours I gave to my clients and to planning. My business did not fall apart when I stopped chasing. It got clearer. Referrals come from doing excellent work for people who trust you, not from a title on a letterhead.

But what if people are disappointed in me? Some will be. That is survivable. Disappointing a committee for a season is a small price compared to disappointing your children for a decade. And many people will respect the honesty. The ones who do not were never going to be satisfied anyway.

But what if the chase is just how I am wired? Being driven is not a sin. Misplaced drive is the problem. God wired you with ambition so you could build something that lasts. Pointing that ambition at His kingdom first does not shrink it. It finally gives it a worthy target.

Do This Week

Set aside 45 minutes. Phone in another room.

1. Draw two columns on a sheet of paper. In the left column, list every commitment you are carrying. Business, church, school, community, all of it. (10 minutes)
2. In the right column, write the honest reason you said yes to each one. Calling, approval, fear, or a title you wanted. (15 minutes)
3. Pray over the list. Ask God to show you one thing you are carrying that was never yours to carry. (10 minutes)
4. Circle it. Write the first sentence of the conversation you need to have to step out of it. (5 minutes)
5. Put a date on your calendar to have that conversation within 14 days. (5 minutes)

Closing

The success, the titles, and the approval were never going to hold me up. They were heavy, and I was the one carrying them.

Laying them down felt like loss for about a week. Then it felt like breathing.

Maybe you are not at 70 hours. Maybe you can still feel the pull. The extra committee. The client you cannot say no to. The quiet fear that if you slow down, it all falls apart. I want you to know there is another way, and it starts with putting one thing first and trusting Him to put the rest in its proper place.

Stop working IN your business. Start working ON it. And start with the One who gave it to you.